Today I became a babysitter. Like Shue as Chris Parker, only English and more attractive.

Today I babysat. It’s an unusual type of babysitting where we (Mattis and I) are not alone, and therefore are under more pressure to prove I'm doing a good job. Elizabeth (maman) trusts me enough to entertain the baby (while she does stuff) but not enough to look after the whole baby on my own (this suits me fine).Not being paid to babysit means you’re really important. Like the way having sex for free makes you more relevant sometimes. I spoke to my mum and explained that maybe I want children now after all. Obviously I will be more responsible than Elizabeth and wait till I am forty or fifty, an age that is an achievement in itself, a sensible age, when I will make a strong and righteous mother and will also be financially independent because both my own parents will be dead by then. My mother was delighted and assured me that even if my organs dry up from alcohol abuse there will always be HIV. I think she meant IVF. In fairness she got 66%+ of the letters right, it was three in the morning when I rang her, and she was tired because she still works a seven day week. It bothers me that she is the only one I feel confident waking at three in the morning. I need a new lover who doesn’t sleep as deeply as my latest Nytol-junkie. But I am still young and therefore darkside with my choices.